God has us on a journey. One of adventure. Of learning. Of battles. Of love. Growth is this journey realized. So here is our story.

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Postpartum identity crisis

A few weeks ago I had an interesting encounter with a stranger that has left an indelible impression on me. I was shopping with Soren in my favorite store Anthropologie and a young woman began googling over how cute Soren was (this happens quite often, as you might imagine:-). She ended the interaction by saying, "What I really want is a little boy like yours, but since I can't have that I'm just gonna buy another pair of jeans to make myself feel better." I looked at this beautiful, thin, young, stylish woman in disbelief. She needed something to make her feel better about herself? I had what she wanted? And so the universal cliche hit home to me in a powerful new way--people, love, relationships are what really matter in this life.
You could say that I've entered into a postpartum identity crisis recently. I've cut my hair (bangs--yikes!), bought leggings (another yikes), and attempted another diet, all as a fight against becoming what I am: a mom. I guess being a mom must be something old, boring and fat in my mind because I seem to be deathly afraid of giving in to this new identity. Or perhaps this is just a new stage of life which means a new place for my lifelong insecurities to wreak havoc on me. Whatever the reason for this crisis, what I do know is that I am struggling once again to find freedom, peace and grace in my own skin. So I keep coming back to the valuable message this stranger in Anthropologie taught me: becoming a mother has brought me the most precious and eternal gift--my son.

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