Cloud of change

I guess I haven't made the official announcement yet...
We are moving to Phoenix! Brandon and I are both starting doctoral programs next month at Arizona State University--me in psychiatric nursing and Bran in exercise physiology. We are super excited to continue on in our career development, but also a bit anxious about ANOTHER move, this time with a 15-month-old! My journal entry this morning sums up where my heart is at the moment...

I have entered the cloud of change. I finally put words to my awkward melancholy state this past weekend. At least this cloud, this fog, is becoming familiar. I realize that the end is in sight and I almost numb myself to the sad goodbyes and uncertainty of the future. I feel as if I'm floating to the end, moved along by the current of life choices I've already made, with a vague sense of uneasiness about what lies beyond the end. I guess this is the way I cope. But I know it could be healthier. And so I'm trying to spend more time talking with Brandon and writing in my journal about the fleeting thoughts and feelings inside of me. My biggest sadness: leaving our community of friends, especially the Kemps, who have become family to us. My biggest fear: not being able to balance motherhood and school. I need to sit in these personal truths for awhile. It's okay to grieve our losses and it's okay to be afraid of a challenging, new stage of life. If there's one thing I've learned in all our life changes so far it's this: God is faithful and full of surprises. Arizona will offer people or things we couldn't experience anywhere else. And the cloud of change will pass.

Independence Day

How fitting that the week of July 4th Soren captured his own independence on his two chubby feet! Here's a look at his progression over the last week...

...Now he just can't get enough of walking EVERYWHERE! (Which makes Mama and Dada very tired, of course:-)

Shout-out to the grandparents

We're living a crazy life right now so blogging will come later. But I couldn't help quickly posting this video of Soren giving a shout-out to his grandparents Pop-pop, Mamae, and Grandma Jojo! He seems to be learning new words every day so more names are coming...

Mr. Personality

Today I make a prediction: Soren will be voted "best personality" in his high school yearbook. From day one he has surprised and delighted us with his charming smile, contagious giggle, and his hilarious antics to make us laugh. Brandon and I are always saying to each other, "Where did he come from?" He is such a ham. Friendly to every person he meets and always wanting to be the center of attention. It is such a delight to see that he is not a little Brandon or mini-Monique, but his very own unique person. So here are some recent videos showcasing Soren's most wonderful personality:-)
Making his best sound effects...

Reading to himself...

And learning to play ball with Dada.

Airplane birthday party!

It's a little late, I know, but I finally gathered all the gorgeous pictures (taken by Kevin & Sonya Kemp) of Soren's birthday party! Click here to check out the festivities...

My big birthday weekend.

I thought it would be fun to have Soren tell about his big weekend:
"Today is my birthday!!!My first gift was a tractor book from Mama and Dada. You can tell I loved it by all my grunting.
For my birthday Mama took me to my favorite park--Liberty Station--to play.Check out what the wind did to my hair! I'm so cool...Later that afternoon the UPS guy brought me a really big box and I helped Dada put my new toy together. (Well, I kind of got distracted by the yummy flavor of Dada's screwdriver.)I love my wagon but I'm not quite sure how to use it yet!
The next day I went to my other favorite place--the beach--with my family (and tractor, of course).Mamae dug me a big hole to sit in and drive my tractor in too.I couldn't believe Mama let me eat my teether biscuit all covered in sand! (She said I had a really sandy poop the next day.)Grandma Jojo surprised me at the beach and I was so excited that I went over and nuzzled with her.The next morning Aunty Yvette read to me about tractors and put tractor stickers on me.Then I had my birthday party. My highlight was being pushed around by my buddy Josiah. (Mama says she'll share more about my party later.)That night Grandpa Gordon fed me dinner. We had a nice chat.I got soooo many cool presents for my birthday. But I really kept wanting more tractors, and so I got super excited when my very last gift was a big fancy tractor from Mamae and Papai!"

Today.

Today is a special day. Today Soren turns ONE. A year ago today I received the most incredible gift of my life--new life. A year ago today I experienced a love far beyond myself. A year ago today I became a mother. A year ago today I met Soren.
He has changed my life forever and I can't imagine life without him. He has inspired me to love selflessly, give tirelessly, and laugh freely. He draws up so much joy from my heart that I sometimes feel my heart will burst. Most amazingly, he has given me glimpses into the father and mother heart of God. I am beginning to embrace God's love for me more deeply because of the way I love my son.
I recently came across the lyrics to a song that brought tears to my eyes. God gave me Soren as a gift--to teach me about his love.

Can't Wait
by Sara Groves

When you reach the proper age
I will teach you to read and you can turn the pages
How to dress and tie your shoesYour one plus ones, and your two times two's
And you'll teach me
Of hearts and dreams
And all the most important things
And all that i have lost along the way
And I can't wait
As you grow, I'll show you things
How to ride your bike and kick your legs out on the swings
To fold your hands and bow your head
How to say your prayers before you go to bed
And you'll teach me
Of hearts and dreams
And all the most important thingsAnd all that I have lost along the way
And I can't wait

How do you sleep so peacefully?
How do you trust unflinchingly?
How do you love so faithfully?
How do you dance so joyfully?
Oh you'll teach me
Of hearts and dreams
And all the most important (essential) things
And all that i have lost along the wayAnd I can't
No I can't
Come teach me
Of love and dreams
And all the most essential thing
And all that I have lost along the way
Cause I can't wait

As I prayed one year ago: "May I give Soren back to you each day, never forgetting the gift he is to me." Amen.